“No one ever asked for a policy, Pilates or avocado smoothies when they’re stressed or being bullied”
A lot of well-being interventions for workplaces feel irrelevant, annoying or don’t work. So what does? Tom Oxley, from Bamboo Mental Health, explains.
Tom Oxley,
Mental Health Coach, Trainer and Speaker,
Bamboo Mental Health
My first interaction with workplace well-being was my own. My illness followed an episode of burnout following a highly stressful – and successful – time in my career, running crisis management clients for a PR agency.
I rose to the top by burning the candle at both ends: multiple relationships, over-working and always “on”. One year my timesheets showed I’d worked 12 extra days and hadn’t taken a further five days holiday entitlement. I couldn’t remember things I’d just read. I needed to pee all the time. I wasn’t ‘there’.
My family was proud, my boss was pleased, and a few weeks later I was in a car park with a note from my GP that simply said, “Stress, anxiety and depression. See me in two weeks.” With nowhere else to go, I went to the pub. So began a slow crawl-back to mental fitness that took 20 years (and counting) to get right.
These days I advise more accurate solutions to workplace mental health because I audit employers and help them support their people better. I speak at international conferences. I do stuff for my kid’s school.
Accountants, law firms, architects, insurance firms…I rummage around HR policies, chat to leaders and steer them towards a data-informed approach. I’ve interviewed more than 450 people with poor mental health while working.
What I hear
They say, “My manager’s a lovely guy – but he doesn’t want to know about mental health. If I had another offer, I’d leave tomorrow.” Or “I was off sick following the death of my daughter. The team sent flowers, but the manager just kept texting asking when I was back.”
Others describe stress interfering with pregnancy. Ruined relationships at home. Lack of sleep. Or that colleagues think they are, “woke and playing the stress card,” which is certainly unhelpful and may be unlawful.
Nick, a friend who worked at a financial services company, had exceeded expectations at appraisal for four out of five years. Then his mum died. His grief turned into depression and when he tried to arrange flexible working with his manager, they refused saying, “If I give this to you, I need to give this to everybody.”
Nick fell out with his manager, was in and out of the doctors, and ended up leaving his job with a payout. For a good worker and a famously lovely guy this was a disaster – and cost the business many thousands of pounds. It took Nick years to repair the damage.
It’s not just Nick. Around 300,000 people lose or leave their jobs each year in the UK, with mental health part of the reason. Health & Safety Executive data tells us than more than half of lost time (53% in 2023-2024) is due to work related mental health absence.
If someone said you were operating at half your human capital, you’d do something about it. From my research, around half of employees experienced what they call a significant stress episode in the last year. Up to 45% haven’t told anyone, and fewer still have had a chat with their line manager or HR. You’d fix a dripping tap due to the waste of resources. Let’s do better for people.
Getting it right
Sally worked for an international charity. After the death of her father, she was ‘not herself’ at work. Her manager (who was on maternity leave) came back for a keeping in touch day, took one look at her and said: “You’re not right let’s have a chat.”
A few cups of tea later and Sally had the appropriate adjustments made so that she could keep working while managing down the international travel. In time, she fully recovered – and stayed at the organisation for another nine years. That’s what you get, when you get it right.
“Thinking back, did you just sign off a legal arse-protection HR policy? Perhaps you could pick up your absence protocol and read it through the eyes of a scared 24-year-old sitting in a GP’s surgery car park who’s just been signed off for two weeks?”
Where to start
I co-authored a publication that looked at 46 different employer reviews, and I’ve worked with a hundred more organisations since. Here’s what I see as good practice:
Be clear on remit:
You have two lines of activity:
1. Prevent work-related mental illness, especially stress
2. Support wider conditions, especially long-term ones with adjustments.
Ask your people:
You almost certainly have a health and safety policy owned by the managing director. Good – because stress at work sits in that. You are legally responsible for work-related stress, so start the conversation by asking people about the pain points and where they exist.
This could be a survey or a tray of sandwiches and some post it notes. Workload will come up (it’s always the top answer) but also consider role, sense of control, change, relationships and the support on offer. Look up stress risk assessments or wheel in a consultant [like me].
Get leaders involved:
Show up. Attend events. Get educated. Say it’s important and mean it. Don’t allow people to take the piss. You set the culture.
Train managers:
They need to spot the signs. Have a safe conversation. Signpost support. Manage absence and return. My wellbeing audits show proactive manager training can reduce mental ill-health by 80%. (I know, it’s incredible.)
Have good HR Policies
Thinking back, did you just sign off a legal arse-protection HR policy? Perhaps you could pick up your absence protocol and read it through the eyes of a scared 24-year-old sitting in a GP’s surgery car park who’s just been signed off for two weeks?
Choice of support:
In a decade, no one has ever asked for a complex policy or a fancy Powerpoint strategy deck. Nor do Pilates, table tennis tables or avocado smoothies do anything for someone who’s sleep is so bad due to bullying or debt and they’re thinking of hurting themselves.
Your people don’t want you to fix their lives. They need you to be flexible and understanding while they navigate the problems. Flexibility, helplines, right-to-switch-off, therapy, good change comms, wellbeing action plans, stress risk assessments, managers trained to listen…these things help. Above all, your people need you on their side.
Life will give them a kicking from time to time. And, when it does, the difference between your employer having your back versus being on your back, is seismic.
About the author
Tom Oxley runs Bamboo Mental Health. He does mental health reviews, gives talks and delivers evidence-led training. You can watch his TEDx talk here.